July 26, 2009 Pastor Tim Pusey

THE TEN COMMANDMENTS:
GUARDING THE HEART OF YOUR HOME
Deuteronomy 5:18

Let’s start by singing our Ten Commandment song again—
One—Don’t worship other gods
Two—No graven images
Three—Don’t take God’s name in vain
Four—The Sabbath is for rest
Five—Obey your mom and dad
Six—Don’t ever, ever kill
Seven—Be faithful to your spouse
And (Eight) Don’t Steal
(Nine) Don’t lie
(Ten) Don’t wish for other men’s things!

(1994 Word Publishing Company; words by Gloria Gaither and Shirley Dobson)

Once upon a time there lived a man named John. John met Mary and they were soon married. John loved Mary and Mary loved John—and they were so happy together! John and Mary soon had a little boy named Jake, and then a little girl named Kari. John and Mary and Jake and Kari lived together in their little house and they were so happy together. The children grew up—and eventually left home to live lives of their own. But whenever they had a chance, John and Mary and Jake and Kari got back together again—and it was so much fun! John and Mary lived happily ever after, growing old together as they enjoyed their children, grandchildren and even great-grandchildren. The End.

Now, let’s revise that fairy tale a little bit. Once upon a time there lived a man named John. John met Mary and they were soon married. John loved Mary and Mary loved John—and they were so happy together. John and Mary soon had a little boy named Jake, and then a little girl named Kari. John and Mary and Jake and Kari lived together in their little house and they were so happy together—that is, until John met Sue and decided he wanted to be with her instead of with Mary. The children grew up and eventually left home to live lives of their own. But the family didn’t all get together much anymore, because John was with Sue and Mary was alone. Jake resented the fact that his father was not at home throughout his growing up years. Kari had a hard time trusting men, because her dad hadn’t been trustworthy. John soon discovered that Sue didn’t make him happy either. Unfortunately, the beautiful little family of John and Mary and Jake and Kari did not live happily ever after, because John had made a mess of things. The End.

What happened? John committed adultery. I got acquainted with a guy a few years ago whose story is quite a bit like John’s—he was married and had four kids. When the marriage faced some stress, it became his excuse for an affair. He even knew that the woman with whom he was having an affair was not the kind of woman he’d want to marry, but his emotions were at war within him. It wrecked his marriage and his home. It messed everything up …all because he allowed himself to become involved with a woman who wasn’t his wife. Instead of doing everything he could to rebuild the marriage, he made a choice that destroyed his marriage.

This morning we are going to hear the Seventh Commandment. It’s so simple and straightforward. It’s short—but not sweet. Listen to the Word of the Lord from Deuteronomy 5:18—
Do not commit adultery (Deuteronomy 5:18, NLT).
That’s it—just four words!—Do not commit adultery! It is stark and simple, but it carries an immense load of social and spiritual implications. The 7th commandment protects the sanctity of the marriage and family. It expresses the value God places upon faithfulness in relationships, especially in the most intimate relationship of life.

Let me address several questions about adultery this morning. First: What is adultery? Adultery is marital infidelity. It is sexual intercourse that breaks the bonds of a marriage covenant. It is a betrayal of the fundamental respect of one’s partner in marriage. Adultery happens when a married person becomes intimately involved with someone other than his or her spouse. It is a violation of the marriage vow.

Jesus took this one giant step further. He said,
“You have heard that it was said, `Do not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matthew 5:27-28, NIV).
Now, understandably, few of us are blind. Some have argued that they’re just appreciating beauty. But Jesus would argue with us this morning that there is a difference between an appreciation of beauty and a long and lustful look. The lustful look is the expression of a heart attitude that says in essence, “I would if I could.” The act would follow if the opportunity was present! Jesus was digging into the intentions of people’s hearts and minds and, in so doing, took the focus off of the physical act and went behind that to the spiritual condition of the human heart and the desires to which it has given itself.

You see, having sex is not the only way to commit adultery. What is forbidden is everything that causes adultery. The man I just spoke of referred to the beginning of his emotional attachment with this other woman and said, “Once I started, I was on a slippery slope.” Most adulterous relationships don’t start with sex; they start with inappropriate intimacy—emotional attachments. And so this commandment, according to Jesus, forbids a married man to flirt with another woman, or a single man to get close to someone else’s wife, or a married woman from seeking primary emotional support from some other man—whether the other person is at work, at church, or in an internet chat room.

To put things more positively, the 7th Commandment instructs husbands and wives to nurture their love for one another—emotionally and spiritually as well as sexually.

Through New Testament eyes, then, we understand that the 7th Commandment rules out any form of sexual immorality, or what the Greek New Testament calls “porneia.” Does that word sound familiar to you? It should, because it’s the word from which we gotten the word “pornography.” This commandment tells us not to fornicate—not to have sexual intercourse outside the covenant of marriage—not premarital sex and not extra-marital sex!

God designed sex to be a wonderful, beautiful, unifying thing—He doesn’t see it as something dirty at all! But His intentions were for it to be devoted solely to the marriage relationship—as a solidifying element in the marriage between a man and a woman. Sex outside of that covenantal relationship is a perversion of God’s plan. And so this commandment deals with prostitution. It deals with homosexual intercourse, because the biblical pattern calls for sex to be shared only between a husband and his wife. Rape, pedophilia, incest or any other form of sexual abuse violates God’s intent for the purity of sexual relationships within the marriage covenant—a covenant of mutual respect and love. In short, through these eyes, the 7th Commandment forbids any sexual activity outside the covenant of marriage.

So what’s the big deal? Why does adultery matter? What is the big problem?—especially if it takes place between two consenting adults?

To begin with, again let me make it clear that sex is not bad! It is designed to be a powerful and positive force in uniting two people’s lives. Someone said that sex is like superglue. When it’s used properly, it seals the bond of matrimony. It’s the glue that helps to hold a marriage secure. But whenever sexual relationships take place outside the marriage covenant, then purpose of sex is perverted and it loses its true purpose and its highest joy. If you’ve worked with superglue, I’m sure you know what it’s like when you accidentally superglue the wrong things together! I know people who have glued their fingers together! It can make an awful mess! Adultery is like super-gluing the wrong things together—and trying to get them unstuck tears away at the soul and destroys lives.

I’m reminded of the recent scandal of South Carolina’s Governor Mark Sanford—a family-values kind of political leader who disappeared for a weekend, and came back to face what became the very public knowledge of an affair he was having with a woman in Argentina. He is quoted as saying,
“I was frightened and I was scared, and I knew the consequences. This was a whole lot more than a simple affair. This was a love story. A forbidden one, a tragic one, but a love story at the end of the day.”
It had started with what he admits were occasions when he “crossed the line” of what was appropriate as a married man. It was eventually fueled by an evening of flirting with this woman. There was an exchange of email addresses, and three years of secret occasional emails. Seven years passed before the relationship became physical. Eventually their emails exposed them. He was torn between not wanting to lose his marriage and not wanting to give up this other woman. He said,
I don’t want to blow up my time in politics. I don’t want to blow up my future earning power. I don’t want to blow up the kids’ lives. I don’t want to blow up 20 years that we’ve invested [in our marriage]. But if I’m completely honest, there are still feelings in the way.”
Apparently, the man is emotionally and sexually connected with this other woman now and it’s like being caught in a web from which you just can’t seem to get free!

Certainly our sex-saturated culture fosters the breaking of this Seventh Commandment. So much advertisement builds upon raw lust. Have you noticed how even the advertisements for M & M’s have gotten sexy lately?! People are looking for love, but settling for sex. We’re surrounded by sexual immorality! Think about the casual sex on college campuses, the aggressive promotion of homosexuality as a lifestyle, and all the sexually provocative material on television and in novels. I’m told that by a ratio of more than ten to one, the couplings on television involve sex outside of marriage. One TV producer explained, “married or celibate characters aren’t as much fun.” And consider the rapidly growing pornography business.

The huge problem with all of this is that they seldom show the consequences of where all this takes people! They don’t deal with the wife who’s been betrayed and devastated by an unfaithful husband. They don’t show the impact it has upon sons and daughters—for years to come and often for generations to come! They don’t reveal the emptiness and loneliness one feels when all the sexual excitement is over and there are no meaningful relationships left in life!

Adultery matters because it’s treason against the family—and God hates adultery because God loves the family! A person who will betray his wife or her husband will betray anyone and anything. The sin of adultery is singled out more than any other illicit sexual behavior because it has to do with unfaithfulness. God is a faithful God and He calls us to be faithful—to Him and to those to whom we commit ourselves in sacred covenant. Adultery violates the trust between a husband and a wife. It breaks the marriage covenant, a promise made before God.

The Old Testament book of Proverbs is amazingly candid about the perils and stupidity of adultery! Listen to these words from the 5th and 6th chapters of Proverbs:
3 The lips of an immoral woman are as sweet as honey, and her mouth is smoother than oil. 4 But the result is as bitter as poison, sharp as a double-edged sword. 5 Her feet go down to death; her steps lead straight to the grave. 6 For she does not care about the path to life. She staggers down a crooked trail and doesn’t even realize where it leads.
7 So now, my sons, listen to me. Never stray from what I am about to say: 8 Run from her! Don’t go near the door of her house! 9 If you do, you will lose your honor and hand over to merciless people everything you have achieved in life… 15 Drink water from your own well—share your love only with your wife…18 Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth.
6:27 Can a man scoop fire into his lap and not be burned? 28 Can he walk on hot coals and not blister his feet? 29 So it is with the man who sleeps with another man’s wife. He who embraces her will not go unpunished…32 But the man who commits adultery is an utter fool, for he destroys his own soul. 33 Wounds and constant disgrace are his lot. His shame will never be erased. (from Proverbs 5 & 6)

Adultery seriously wounds trust and intimacy—and often destroys them altogether. A woman who is having a secret affair has to become deliberately deceitful. She can’t just come home and spill out the events of her day. She’s got to think, “What can I safely talk about, and what have I got to keep to myself?” So even before infidelity is discovered, it changes who you are and how you relate to your spouse. A person goes from being candid and open to being secretive and guarded.

Adultery leaves the offended partner emotionally wounded and scarred. The one relationship which should have offered trust and security has been breached. The one person he/she should have been able to trust has violated that trust.

And for the believer who has chosen to enter an adulterous relationship and is later repentant, the biggest hurdle is to forgive himself or herself. Experiencing God’s forgiveness is one thing—but forgiving oneself is a whole other story. And the forgiveness of spouse and children and friends and the wider circle of those impacted by the adultery is often elusive. You see, when someone is tempted to commit adultery, the Enemy of our souls deceives us by saying, “No one will ever know…” But the truth is that if I were to commit adultery today against my wife, it would suddenly change everything between us—because adultery would change our relationship. And what is thought to be done in secret more often than not has a way of finding its way into the light—but even if it never does, I would know and God would know…and that changes everything!

So what if you’re not married? Is this message relevant to you? For many of you, it is the framing of your mind and heart for the day when you may be married. This issue is too important to start forming your attitudes and values at that point…we all need a solid foundation of belief in the wisdom and the beauty of God’s ways in each of our lives relating to the matter of marital fidelity and sexual purity!

Some of you aren’t married now and may never be (or may never be again), but you have a responsibility in the context of extended family, friends, the church and the community to honor marriage vows. You must honor other people’s marriages. You must honor the institution of marriage and do everything in your influence to shape and protect the integrity of marriages around you. And in as much as these warnings deal with the larger issue of fornication—sex outside of the marriage bond—you are accountable to be men and women of purity and integrity in keeping sexual relationships for the marriage covenant alone.

For those of you who are married or perhaps are soon to be married, how can you safeguard yourself and your marriage from adultery? If your answer is simply that you’re a Christian, let me tell you that marriages in the church are not immune from the temptation of adultery! There are certainly people hearing my voice right now who have committed adultery in the past 6 months. There are certainly people here who are in an emotional affair with someone other than their spouse right now. There are undoubtedly people in this room who are on the slippery slope and about to wreck your marriage. On any given Sunday morning, there are people sitting in church who only the night before entered the world of pornography or had sex outside of marriage.

And I’ll tell you that it’s been terribly sad to see the incidents of church leaders succumbing to affairs across the years. I’ve got to tell you that it has been heart-breaking for me. I got a call from a dear friend one day telling me that her husband had been caught in an affair, and I have to tell you that, in some ways, it would have been easier to have gotten a call that day that he had died.

What we in the church must be aware of is that sexual sin is never just about sex—it is always connected to the rest of life! It begins in realms that seem innocuous and benign, but one thing leads to another—and by then we’re blind to the reality of our sin! Satan’s a great liar, friends! Most people who attend church who get caught up in affairs would tell you that they never intended to do so—and never saw it as a possibility in their own lives! But one thing led to another…and they found themselves on the slippery slope!

That’s what happened to King David. David got caught when he became captivated by Bathsheba’s beauty and became preoccupied with his desire for her. Being careful of what we see has never been more important than it is today when there are sexual images everywhere we turn! Pornography is so accessible, and the greatest danger of all is the internet, which is the most powerful purveyor of porn in the history of the world. What makes the internet so dangerous is that it is anonymous, accessible and affordable. Anyone with a computer can download pornography in complete privacy. And the stream of sexual material is endless—and on the internet there is always something new, something more provocative. Christians who would never even consider going into an adult book store or renting an X-rated movie are now failing in this area because of the anonymity and easy access to pornography on the internet. And if you’re caught in this trap, you’ve got to get help! Call or email one of the pastoral staff members today! Reach out to a trusted Christian friend and determine to together get help! If you’re caught in the grip of pornography, you are already on the slippery slope toward adultery.

Be honest with yourselves, friends! Acknowledge the subtle beginnings of an emotional affair if such subtleties can be found in your life at all! Listen to your spouse if they become uneasy about your relationship to someone else—don’t become defensive about it! Give Christian friends permission to raise questions and concerns about what they see in your relationships with others that could prove threatening to your marriage! Be mindful of how you dress and how you act when you’re around other people. Honestly, I’ve seen women who practically throw themselves at other men—and grown men who start acting like teenagers in their presence! Do you remember what we just read in Proverbs?—“Can a man scoop fire into his lap and not be burned?” 6:27).

To avoid the pit of failing to live up to the 7th Commandment, we must respect the sanctity of the marriage relationship—in our own marriage and in the marriages of others. We must make a commitment to personal purity and integrity as it relates to the expression of our sexuality. We must give ourselves wholeheartedly to nurturing the relationship with our spouse and commit every day to being faithful to the person to whom we made a vow.

So—what if you’ve already failed? Is it over? Is there no hope? King David blew it, and one thing he did right was admit it. He acknowledged the sin and sought God’s forgiveness. Psalm 51 is his prayer of confession and repentance and his heart-cry for cleansing! He still had to deal with the ramifications of his sin—which were severe—but, in the end, David got it right!

If you’ve broken the 7th Commandment, seek God’s forgiveness and the forgiveness of those you’ve wronged. If you’re the offended party, be willing to work toward complete forgiveness so that your marriage can be healed. If you’re on either side of the issue, be willing to get counseling to work your way through this and restore your marriage. Recognize the dangers and pitfalls of what’s happened. If you were diagnosed with a cancerous tumor this week, you’d get yourself to the best oncologist you could find as quickly as you could find him or her. Why would we do less when it comes to something as sacred and significant as our marriages?

When God confronts us with the guilt of adultery or of letting ourselves step onto the slippery slope leading to it, we have a choice. If we keep ignoring our sin and hiding it, we can be sure that it will destroy us in the end. But if we confess it and commit to turn from it, God will have mercy on us! Adultery is not an unforgivable sin. If we confess our sin and commit to turn from it, we can experience the grace and total forgiveness of the Lord. But we need to then hear the words of Jesus, who told the one who had been forgiven, “Go, and sin no more.”

The Apostle Paul wrote to the Thessalonians—
It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God; and that in this matter no one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him. The Lord will punish men for all such sins, as we have already told you and warned you. For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life (I Thessalonians 4:3-7, NIV).

Thankfully, God gives grace to sinners who repent of lust and adultery and come to Jesus. But God offers more than just forgiveness. By His Holy Spirit He gives grace in times of temptation—and by the power of His Holy Spirit at work within us, God empowers us to live holy lives that please Him and honor Him—holy lives that bless others, lives of meaning and purpose, lives that foster significant and healthy relationships in every corner of our lives. In short, when we commit to God’s ways, He takes us down the path of abundant living, and that is what I desire for each of you! Praise the Lord!